Just Words

Let's re-hash this thing one more time. Just for kicks. For those who don't know, the government of Canada is about to vote on something called Bill C-38. The gist of it is to grant same-sex couples the right to marry. The trick is that there are certain logistical things to work out regarding such a radical concept. Namely, some people strongly oppose it. And since I just received an email detailing some of the objections, I think it might be worthwhile to go over them.

First, I'd like to mention that I've recently been reading up on the logical fallacies in depth (as part of something completely different that I'm working on) and I'll probably be referring to them on a fairly regular basis. I've come to the conclusion that the basics of logical arguments should be included in every school curriculum starting at about grade 6. It seems so basic that everyone should get it. But people rarely pay attention to the basis of their argument these days as they are typically less interested in the truth than they are in forcing their opinions on others. A very good website devoted to the logical fallacies is The Fallacy Files.

Okay, the website that seems to be the hub of the hubbub is Preserve Marriage. Listed below are a few statements made there and my comments on each.

We declare that every child has a fundamental right to a mother and a father. Marriage between a man and a woman protects that right, even in cases of divorce, where the courts ensure that the child has an appropriate level of care from and access to both parents.

Biologically, every child has a mother and a father. A child's right to have both is guaranteed biologically, but not logistically. Sometimes this "right" is superseded by life, like when a parent dies or is an irresponsible, drug-addicted loser. But most importantly, merely allowing same-sex marriage does not necessarily preclude the possibility that a child born to a person involved in a same-sex marriage from knowing and having access to both biological parents. The above quoted statement is an example of irrelevant conclusion.

The United Nations agrees. Article 7 of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child states that the child "shall have... as far as possible, the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents".

Bill C-38 doesn’t. Instead, it grants adults the right to replace a natural parent with one of another gender, making the child essentially fatherless, or motherless.

The section of Bill C-38 that supposedly replaces a natural parent with one of another gender is not mentioned. And without reading the entire thing I can't refute or confirm this statement. Furthermore, through some strange mistake with the webmaster at the House of Commons website, the Bill C-38 website is describing some other Bill entirely. Wikipedia's article on Bill C-38 doesn't mention anything about this. Children, quite regularly, have little or no choice in the structure of their family. Stopping same-sex marriage will not stop children from being motherless or fatherless, essentially or otherwise.

We declare that the married, biological family provides the optimal environment for raising children.... Social Science agrees. Thousands of legitimate studies over the years agree that, overall, the married biological family serves children far better than any other family structure. It produces the most favourable rates in everything from academic excellence to avoiding crime and suicide.

It is doubtful that any of the studies included a representative sample of same-sex couples raising a family seeing as how there are so few of them right now. The married, biological family unit being so successful in this case is likely compared to the other common family structures of our times, namely the single parent, the divorced family and the adoptive parents structures. There is no evidence to suggest that a same-sex couple raising a child will not produce an environment that has academic excellence and avoidance of crime and suicide rates that rival the family structure with the "best rates". And besides all that, the fact that the married, biological family produces the "best children" argument is not a sound reason to prevent same-sex marriage. After all, if we can prove that divorce leads to a lack of success for our children (as many of these studies undoubtedly show) then shouldn't we also prevent divorce?

Bill C-38 doesn’t. In the name of equality for individual adults, it ignores children and suppresses the reality that the traditional family produces better outcomes for children. It prevents the traditional family structure from being held up as the ideal.

This statement relies on several premises. First premise: that "traditional family" produces the "best outcomes" for children is "the reality". What is the "best outcome" for a child? And is "traditional family" the only way to achieve it? Should we exclude all other family structures because one is superior to the others? Second premise: that allowing same-sex marriage ignores children. Obviously, Bill C-38 is primarily about allowing same-sex couples to marry so very little would have been said about the children involved. Children often have very little say in who their parents marry or what kinds of relationships they engage in. The entire last sentence conflicts with previous statements. If same-sex couples can raise children with the same "best outcome" as the "traditional family structure" (as implied by the "thousands of legitimate studies" reference) then it is entirely unclear how allowing same-sex marriage will prevent the "traditional family structre" as being the ideal. I think this statement reveals a hidden fear of the people who oppose Bill C-38 and it is an example of the slippery slope fallacy. They claim, without producing any proof, that allowing same-sex marriages will erode the values that so many people hold close to their hearts. The majority wants to know that the path they have taken is the best path. The thought that theirs is not "the ideal" path could possibly sway their decisions on the issue. But realistically, since the majority of people are not gay they should realize that their own path is merely different, not necessarily better or the "ideal". The fear that same-sex couples might be able to raise children with the same capacity and functionality as traditional couples scares the hell out of homophobes the world over.

We declare that since traditional marriage is the only family structure that provides a child with both a father and a mother, the government has a duty to support and defend it.

Traditional marriage is not the only family structure that provides a child with both a mother and a father. A child can have a mother and a father without the parents being married at all. It is not written anywhere that the government has the duty to support and defend "traditional marriage" over any other kind of "family structure". The government does have a responsibility to defend the rights and freedoms of all Canadians, even if that means ignoring popular opinion.

The United Nations agrees. Part 3, Article 10-1 of the International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights declares "the widest possible protection and assistance should be accorded to the family... particularly for its establishment and while it is responsible for the care and education of dependent children."

The quoted statement from the UN document says nothing about what is meant by the word "family" which is at the heart of this issue. To the best of my knowledge, the UN has not ever attempted to define "family" to the exclusion of same-sex couples. Merely stating that the UN accords protection to the "family" says nothing about whether or not same-sex couples should have the right to marry.

Bill C-38 doesn't. It transforms marriage from an institution that provides the child with the care and protection of a mother and a father into a vehicle for validating adult relationships.

The sole purpose of marriage is not only to provide children with the care and protection of a mother and a father. Many people get married without ever planning to have children. This statement implies (without explicitly stating) that same-sex marriage does not provide a child with care and protection. It also implies (also without explicitly stating) that "care and protection" comes only from a mother and a father. If a single parent can provide care and protection for a child, how can anyone possibly prove that two people (who happen to be of the same sex) cannot? It also calls into question the purpose of allowing same-sex marriages. Overall, this statement is an opinion stated as fact.

In conclusion, we declare that Bill C-38 is a dangerous and irresponsible social experiment, to be performed on our children and grandchildren. We declare that it is highly unethical to experiment on the children we have a duty to protect.

This entire argument as a whole is an appeal to fear. I find it deplorable. What they really fear of is that social acceptance of same-sex couples will lead to more homosexuals. This conclusion depends heavily on whether or not homosexuals are born the way they are or they choose their orientation.

I support same-sex marriage because revoking it takes away the rights of a minority. The arguments I have seen against have typically been weak, like the above statements. Arguments based on a lack of knowledge appealing to the fears of the audience to amass a large enough hassle for the politicians that the rights of a small number of individuals get quashed. If anyone is willing to put together an argument that makes more sense than this "Preserve Marriage" website (or, indeed, make the same case in a stronger way) feel free. I would be more than willing to listen to what you have to say.

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Update

The wording of Bill C-38 can be found here. I have read it and it mentions nothing about a biological parent being replaced with a parent of the opposite sex, as the Preserve Marriage website claims.

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1) A long time ago, when I was just 16, me and my friend Craig helped fight a minor brush fire. We were out in the sticks at a friend's place. The house we were in was backed into a steep, tree-covered hillside. In fact, most hillsides in all directions were tree-covered as is usually the case in BC. At the first sign of smoke we knew something was wrong and we decided that fighting the fire when it was small and far away would be better than waiting for it to get bigger and closer. So, full of youthful optimism we set out armed only with a pair of shovels to do whatever we could.

When we got there a small stand of trees was just starting to burn with intensity. We contented ourselves with patting out the fingers of flame that were reaching through the knee-high grass toward a nearby house. We were very concerned about the flaming trees until a low-flying plane flew directly over our position emitting a loud beeping sound. We could see water bombers approaching so we maintained our position a safe distance from the fire. One of the neighbours approached us through the brush and told us to follow him. Not ten seconds after we left our "shelter" it was bombarded with a full load of fire retardant that would surely have knocked us flat on our asses, if not much worse. It was then that we learned that water bombers typically contain the perimeter of a blaze before dousing it directly.

The water bombers were fun to watch close up. In not too much time a team of firefighters showed up with a tank truck and a small pump to finish up. On our way out we stopped to ask somebody if there was anything else we could do to help even though we were pretty sure there wasn't. By the time we got back to the house our mutual friend was getting off the phone with the police who had apparently been asking about us and what we were doing at the fire. It really burned us up that we were now suspects in an arson case when we almost got nuked trying to fight it. The police couldn't have had any reason to suspect any foul play so soon. All they knew was that two teenagers were spotted at the scene.

2) Two nights ago, I had a dream that was a replay of this event. Only this time, the fire was huge and rushing toward us. I was in the same house backed up against the hillside, except this time the hillside was bare rock with no trees or combustibles to speak of. And I knew the people who lived in the house on the top of the hill. At the beginning of the dream the fire was far off but moving towards us. With that much timber on fire there was no choice but to evacuate. After much debate and urging I got everyone out of the first house, at the top of the hill, only to find that those same people had settled into the house at the bottom of the hill. As always seems to be the case in dreams with an urgent feel the people were moving very sluggishly and needed constant reminders of what to do and how to do it. No one else seemed to understand the threat save me.

Every time I was inside the house it seemed like I had a lot of time. But every time I looked up the hill to see how much time we had the fire would leap towards us much faster than was strictly possible. In my dream I kept thinking back to that time I had gone to fight the fire with Craig but I kept getting muddled. I couldn't displace my dream self from my memories of that event and I came to believe that, even though this was just a dream, this was how the past event had played out as well. I was worried that failing at bringing these people to safety would have some affect on something in the real world. The worst part seemed to be that almost everyone I was trying to save was a woman that I had known at some point in my life.

Every problem my psyche could drag up was pushed in my face. How much time did we have before we had to leave? When would it be too late? Which direction should we go when we leave? Would the vehicles have enough gas to make it? Would there be enough room in the vehicles for everybody? Couldn't we take shelter nearby? My mind was racing to solve every problem as quickly and decisively as possible. Once people started leaving my sense of uncertainty grew immensely. I was worried that they would be cut off on their escape route. There was no way to see if the fire had outflanked us over the horizon. Stereotypically, there wasn't enough room in the vehicles and I was left behind with two or three people to fend for ourselves. Standing at the bottom of the bare, rocky hillside, I looked straight up. A fiery hand was reaching over the top in a clawing motion. I had remained calm until that moment but the supernatural feel of the scene hammered my panic button with vigor.

I ran. I looked for water to hide in. There was a creek but it was barely deep enough to soak me thoroughly. I was together enough to know that moving up the opposite hillside would be a death sentence so I tried to run through the valley, sticking to the low ground and looking for cover. The fire was no longer a fire but a giant demon covered in flame clawing its way through the brush toward me specifically. I lost the few people with me and I had no time to worry about them. Sheer terror had gripped my soul and sent me to the selfish "everyone for themselves" state that animals have in these situations. I woke up as the fire/demon had cornered me.

3) I now sit at work. I've been moved to a different department temporarily. We are testing outside right now and the weather can't decide what it wants to do. It will clear up for about half an hour and then decide that it wants to rain again. I can't test in the rain and I have to quickly cover all the equipment with various tarps and plastic bags whenever it starts up. The water beats down with incredible intensity. The start-stop action is irritating to say the least. But every time I look at the rain coming down I think about the soaking of the trees and the prospect of forest fire. Two summerss ago a large fire threatened much of Kelowna. 30,000 people were evacuated and 224 homes were lost. I'll never forget the day before the evacuation started. Smoke choked the air and thumb-sized chunks of charred wood rained from the sky. It wasn't much better in neighbouring towns, either. Every place was threatened and there seemed to be no escape. It felt like the world were ending and there was nothing left to do but wait for it.

As I watch the rain beat down I see the future. There is nothing that will give me that sense of doom again. There are no fiery demons that will inflict mindless panic. I will fight the beast with a simple shovel if I have to. In my life I have learned that tenacity is a virtue as pure as patience or honesty. Let it rain.

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It's frustrating. We work hard in our lab to get everything right. To test everything according to the given spec (if there even is one) or at least in a way that is accurate and makes sense (if there isn't). We write up test reports on a daily basis and we have two people on staff whose sole purpose is to go over these with a fine tooth comb to make sure everything is there and it all makes sense.

The accuracy game is difficult because of all the maintenance required. Annual calibrations for each piece of equipment used in any given measurement. Monthly checks on equipment to make sure that nothing is drifting out of spec. Attention to detail during every test and endless checklists to fill out to make sure everything is right. Photos of every test and every test setup. So much information goes into each report that it would literally take more time and energy to fake a report then it would to perform the testing and get the actual data.

My boss has a habit of checking out reports that other labs submit. Whenever I suggest some new procedure he always likes to see what other people in the same situation have done. I don't really like that solution because you have to trust that other people know what they're doing. And I know they're accredited to perform testing but they're still people I don't know so I can't testify to their competence firsthand. Still, he likes to check it out even if it's only to justify doing something different.

Today, we looked at a test report from another lab because the device we're testing is in an odd frequency band. We have to expand our frequency range to reach it and this throws our uncertainty into disarray. The other test report passed through the FCC with calibration documents that were two to three years out of date. And the frequency they list is the same as ours. They did nothing to justify testing out-of-band.

I scream in my head when I see this. They're spending half the time for testing because they obviously don't need to be accurate. They either don't have accurate calibrations for their equipment (an obvious money-saver) or they just didn't bother to include them in the report (another obvious money-saver). And what did the FCC do? Gave them the stamp anyway. No questions. It's clear to me why very few people in the world are honest. There's no money in it. And the people in charge of checking these things don't seem to care. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your bureaucracy. Trust it if you dare.

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I am somewhat illiterate. By my own definition of the word. Simply put, I have thoughts and feelings that I am unable to express with words. The extent to which I am unable is equivalent to the extent of my illiteracy. A long time ago, one sunny afternoon, I had a thought. It was a fleeting image of the world in 5 dimensions. I saw all of space, time and possibility stretching out before me. Options branching from my present time were immense. And then just as suddenly as the universe "opened up" it closed again. In mathematical terms, I performed a "limit" operation on the image in my head to find that there was only one possibility and it was yet unknown. If it was truly math that I was performing on such a complex function as the entire universe (in 5 dimensions) and the operation I performed was accurate then I had proved the absolute existence (and inevitability) of fate.

Of course, the entire vision and subsequent limit/collapse only took about two to three seconds. But in those three seconds I experienced an achievement unrivalled by any I have ever read or seen in any Quantum Physics or Calculus textbook. I can't prove a note of it and I have nothing to show for it but this little bit of a story. And even the words I have here are inadequate because of my illiteracy.

There are many different words and symbols for "infinity" but none actually show "infinity". They're only placeholders for a concept yet to be seen or experienced by people. To me, this shows the overall illiteracy of humans in general. I have rarely told this story very much because whenever I do it always sounds (to me) like I'm bragging. But I'm not. I'm extremely humbled by the experience and I'm utterly incapable of recreating it or talking about it in a way that does it justice. Furthermore, for all I know everyone has these kinds of thoughts on a daily basis and they're just as illiterate on that level as I am.

There's no way to see inside someone else's brain to know the thoughts that go on inside. We can only experience what other people are capable of telling us about their thoughts and feelings. If a person is silent when an answer is required we often conclude that they don't know but it's just as likely that they're simply not saying. There's a difference between the types of people who initially describe great mathematical, physical and philosophical concepts and the people who merely study them. The difference is the same as that between great authors and avid readers. It's one thing to experience the world and know something is true, it's entirely another to put those ideas into words that a third person (with little or no knowledge of the events surrounding the claim) could understand. This is the magic of literacy. This is what I painstakingly try to master when I hammer at away at my keyboard on a regular basis. But I'm not there yet. I may never be as literate as I'd like to be. But I'll keep trying because it's the only hope I have of being understood.

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I had a great idea today. It had something to do with a new way to look at something fairly common. I remember exactly what it felt like when it first came to me. It wasn't "genius" in nature but definitely innovative and on the verge of true epiphany. Unfortunately, that's all I can remember. I can't even remember what I was doing when I thought of it. If I could I might be able to recreate it and trigger my short term memory. So let this be a lesson to all of you, fellow bloggers. If you get an idea that you'd like to put on your blog but you're busy doing something, take the time to write it down anyway. Carry a notepad and pencil with you. Write a few words on the back of your hand. Use point form, usually one word will do. Try to include a note about what you were doing at the time because it can totally help to remember what exactly you meant to say. But if your point form notes are "cult" and "anal sex" then... don't write those on the back of your hand. You'll get waaaaaay too many prying questions. Trust me.

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I've been reading the Onion off and on since 1999 when I first saw this one-line headline accompanied by a picture of a Reach toothbrush, a Gillette Mach3 razor and a standard small black comb:

"Comb Technology: Why is it so far behind the razor and the toothbrush?"

The title of this post was stolen from one of their one-liners. By far the best Micheal Jackson joke I've ever heard. The crew at the Daily Show gave a remarkable performance the other night but it just doesn't beat the Onion. As far as Micheal Jackson goes, I don't have a strong opinion, really. His actions have certainly been suspicious but I can't convict on that basis alone. I will say that, if he is innocent, it would have been much better for him (and everyone else involved) if he had conducted himself in a less ambiguous manner around small children. Personally, I think it's a little strange when people are more into children than they are into those same children's parents.

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I heard that this Jamaican sprinter named Asafa Powell broke the world record at the 100 metre today with a time of 9.77 seconds. I immediately got excited because he was faster than Ben Johnson's time of 9.79 from the Seoul Olympics in 1988. But then I looked it up and it turns out that a different guy named Tim Montgomery actually beat it with a 9.78 in 2002. I remember the Ben Johnson thing vividly because it was the first time I was seriously disillusioned with the world.

I had heard about Ben Johnson a lot as the Olympics started and me and my friend Scott watched every day just so we wouldn't miss his races. He was powerful and we were desperately hoping he could beat the quintessentially cocky contemporary champ, Carl Lewis. I was very excited when I saw him win because he didn't just win, he crushed the competition and destroyed the world record. His time was 9.79 and the nearest competitor (Carl Lewis) had 9.92. Only 0.13 seconds but that's a lifetime in a 100 metre race. Everyone at school was talking about it and how cool it was.

I can't remember if it was the next day or if a few days had passed but I remember hearing about the steroids scandal on the news. I refused to believe it. Someone must have made a mistake, I told myself. I had heard of steroids and I knew they weren't allowed in the Olympics but they would have tested for them before Johnson ever got close to the Olympics, right? I started making up excuses for him in my head because I wanted to believe that he was clean. He was Canadian. Canadians don't cheat. We're better than that. Someone else's urine sample got mixed up with his. Someone put something in his water before the test and framed him. It had to be something. But, of course, it wasn't.

I learned several things as a result of that day. First, cheating and lying are defined by neither nationality nor geographical background. People can't be trusted just because they're from a particular place anymore than you could distrust them for the same reason. Second, if I'm not careful about separating my feelings from what I see I could easily misinterpret a great many things about the world merely because I want things to be a certain way. Third, steroids work. And you'd better believe that they work a lot better now than they did in 1988 because market potential like this encourages ingenuity and refinement. And there was never any better advertising than those two race times seen live on prime time sports television.

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I've been meaning to into the code for my site for a while now. This colour looks dusty and faded, don't you think? Well, not tonight. I'm still in procrastination mode. For now, there are new links. In order of appearance:

Quannah is Marcel's sister. I met her once many years ago but I hardly remember her. But she updates her blog regularly, especially when compared to Marcel.

Suzi is an old, old friend of mine. (That is, she's a friend I've known for a long, long time. Not a friend who is "old".) She pre-dates so many other people in my life that I can't even explain how I know her. Just accept that she's here to stay.

Megan is my cousin from England. She can be incredibly self-honest and I admire that about her. You get bonus points if you go there and can correctly pronounce the name of her Location on the first try.

Dano has been, at various times, my friend, my roommate, my roommate's ex, and the guy who once took my girlfriend. But it's all cool because he told me about it the first chance he got and that made all the difference.

So go. Visit their blogs. Eat, drink and be merry. And admire the pretty shape I made out of my links list.

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Live8 is a series of concerts that all occur on July 2nd in various cities that are meant to bring attention to the concerns of the poverty-stricken nations of the world. However, all those involved are very much in support of ending conflicts across the globe because, inevitably, it is those conflicts that most prevent prosperity and humanitarian aid in these remote places. Here is a quote from the Live8 website:

"LIVE 8 is calling for people across the world to unite in one call – in 2005 it is your voice we are after, not your money."

I certainly don't have any problem with Live8. I think it's a wonderful idea. But why is 50 Cent playing?! I mean, what songs is he going to sing? Don't get me wrong, I listen to some of his stuff but it does not have anything to do with peace. I can almost hear him now...

"This next rap, that's mostly about how many bullets I wanna put into guys that I used to hang out with, is dedicated to the children of Sudan. May their suffering end soon. Unless that lack of suffering allows them to become rappers whose opinion I disagree with.

It's been a looooong time since any performer has caused more personal conflicts than 50 Cent. Does he have any songs about peace? Any songs that remotely resemble something that could be mistaken for peace? A better question: Is he going to be able to get along with the other rap personalities that will be appearing on the same stage that day? Rap politics is nothing if not confusing but I know that they tend to hang out in crews, like cliques. And I'm fairly certain that P. Diddy, Jay-Z and Will Smith are all not in his "clique".

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I've been randomly selected to be a human test subject. Some students at MIT are taking a survey of webloggers and I'm part of the "representative sample". But they also want additional bloggers to volunteer. If you're interested. Go to this link and request a number. It only takes about 7 minutes if you don't think too hard about the answers.

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The entire dream took place on a space station in orbit above Earth over a week's time. I was there with a bunch of women that I have known at different times in my life. Many were ex-girlfriends. We were on some sort of weeklong trial for life and interaction in space. We were videotaped everywhere we went like some sort of reality TV show. All of the women got along famously except for one. For whatever reason she just didn't click with everybody else. During the entire dream I was looking for an opportunity to talk to her because at one time in my life we had been very close but things just didn't work out between us. As is typical, I had little or no idea what I was going to say when I talked to her but I felt that she was very alone and it saddened me. I wanted to give her the feeling that she had someone she could trust and talk to if she needed it.

Anyways, it didn't matter because every time I tried to get close to her something would happen. Usually there was some kind of scheduled activity. For whatever reason there was a large swimming pool that we had to enter at least once a day and the rest of the time was tied up with various group activities. Everywhere I went I could see her face from across the room and the longer this went on the more it weighed on my heart. She didn't look obviously sad. In fact, people who didn't know her might have said that she had an expressionless face. But the way I knew her I could tell that there was something else. It was like I could feel everything she was feeling.

At one point the people in charge pulled her aside from everybody else and took her into a side room where they started taking pictures of her. It was some kind of swimsuit photo shoot for some kind of magazine. I tried to sneak in but they headed me off before I could get close enough to see. I could tell that she was happy, though. It felt like she was being appreciated for something. She wanted to be beautiful without being smug and for other people to see that.

At the very end of the week as we were getting ready to leave (this had something to do with egg-shaped pods) I finally got a moment to approach her and say something. She looked very much like she was afraid of whatever it was she thought I was going to say. And then I woke up.

I've always been surprised at people who talk about sex dreams because I can't imagine how they orgasm before waking up.

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Went to a party last night. Saw a bunch of people I haven't hung out with in a long time. Got really drunk. It was a good time. Yesterday, as I was getting ready to leave my house, I turned on my TV to just have some background. After about 4-5 minutes the power on the TV turned off for no particular reason. While I knew this was odd I was busy packing some things and making sure I had everything I needed so I left it be. I was in and out of my room several times moving things to the car and when I finally got back into the room and closed the door I smelled something burning. More specifically, the smell the insulated copper wire makes when it overheats. As an electronic tech, I can tell the difference between all manner of burning electronic components, from burnt silicon semiconductors to melted plastic molding on jumper boards. I thought briefly about whether or not this was my big chance to panic (I mean really panic) but decided against it. It smelled like it was coming from the TV so I unplugged it from the wall. Sure enough, a hand to the back of the set yielded heat and indicated the source of the burning smell.

This sucks because Family guy is on tonight and I would love to be watching it right now. Plus, I had originally planned to replace this TV with a brand new, widescreen, flatscreen, High-Definition, Dolby surround sound, plasma, whatever-other-feature-you-wish TV at a Boxing Day sale. Now I have three options. I can cave and buy a new set early and probably not get the screaming top quality one I want. I can suck it up and go without TV for the next five and a half months. Or I can beg, borrow or steal a decent used one from somebody who doesn't need theirs anymore. Stupid TV.

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I needed to go for a blood test. I walked into a doctor's office that I'd never been to before. The secretary was overly friendly and the waiting room was standing room only. Her voice was loud and cheery as she repeated what I wanted while writing my information. Instead of making me wait like everyone else she gave me directions to the room and sent me right in.

The halls seemed simple enough but they did not exactly meet the description given by the secretary. I found the room number she gave me but it was only some kind of inner waiting room. Only this waiting room was spacious and dimly lit while beautiful waitresses served drinks and snacks. In fact, it wasn't a waiting room at all. I decided that this couldn't be it so I began to look for the doctor whose name the secretary had given me. An extensive search showed that most rooms were completely empty of both patients and doctors. It didn't occur to me in my dream but it occurs to me now, what kind of clinic was this that had no doctors running around?

I went back to the lounge/waiting room. There I met an old friend who I rarely see because he moved to Ontario many years ago. Jeff Powell tapped me on the shoulder and asked me what I was doing at the clinic. I thought about using some polite excuse but decided that he was a close enough friend that I could tell him the truth. He nodded absent-mindedly. Then I told him that I couldn't find my proper room, or the doctor, and he replied that he could help me.

He led me down a hallway that I hadn't seen before into a closed off back room that looked like a closet from the outside but was actually a large room on the inside. The lone doctor in the room was standing behind what could have been a hot dog stand and waving a friendly goodbye to two other people who were leaving out a second exit. He turned out to be the same doctor whose name I had been given and when I mentioned it he said something about the secretary being his wife.

I laid my arm on the counter wrist up. He brought out the needle and placed it on my upper arm at the top of my bicep. I was about to tell him that he would have a difficult time getting blood from that spot when he abruptly ripped the needle down my arm past the inside of my elbow and down my whole wrist. I was surprised when it didn't hurt at all. The skin along the rip started to separate. It looked like a centimeter of foamy mattress material that had been covering my entire body and masquerading as skin had been cut and pulled back to reveal a thin strip of skin so transparent that my blood looked a deep red colour.

Again, without any warning and before I could wonder much at what he was doing the doctor chose a location along the rip and speared my skin with the needle. He forced the needle so deep into my arm I thought he was going to pierce the bone and pull out marrow. The pain was very sharp but not as intense as it looked like it should be. I concentrated on not twitching while he extracted a healthy dose. And then I woke up.

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I think Bill Hicks said it best when he said, "Is life just fuckin' weird, or what?" The aforementioned co-worker who distributed the email opposing gay marriage rode his bike to work today. It's a very nice bike but its most striking feature is its colour. Yellow, Orange, Pink, Red, Blue, and Purple. In a rainbow.

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Slightly sweaty. Closed car. Baking. Flushed. Impatient. Reach the destination. Air conditioning. Cold drink. Tasty. Whip cream. Need a break. Treat myself. Busy day. Run down. Recharging. Thinking. Battle. Anger. Games. Skype. Internet telephony. Strangely at ease. Calm. No shakes. No adrenaline. No stakes. No goal. I still care. But not about winning. Something else. Can't place it. Interesting inner puzzle. Disconnections. Reconnections. New views. Abstract. Superposition theorem. Reconsideration. Diminishing returns. Logic. Observable data. Conclusions. Answers. Meanings. Repeatability. Pictures. Incompleteness of all knowledge. Superficial treatments. Further study required. Textbooks. Truth. Hypocrisy. Restraint. Strength (Inner). Fray. Melee of words. Confused bystanders. Judgements. Triumph. Strength (Outer). Emptiness. Avoidance. Bitter Victory. Sweet Defeat. Chasms. Bruised egos. Choosing sides. Pain. Innocent bystanders. Selfish participants. Rifts among friends. Bickering. Immaturity.

A co-worker distributed a company-wide email today encouraging people to vote in an online poll against a gay marriage bill. I didn't speak to him about it but I wanted to tell him that those kinds of emails don't belong in the workplace. Another co-worker suggested that we all wear rainbow shirts tomorrow in support of gay marriage. I'm not sure that is a good solution, either. I'm all for discussing issues, but not at work with work people. Outside of work, you can talk about these things all you want. When they get a little too heated, the participants can take a break from each other to cool off so things don't get out of hand. At work, this is not the case. You still have to see them all the time. If not handled carefully, such discussion can lead to a lack of productivity or even a bad working relationship. If there's anything I've learned about humans it's that they're funny creatures. A person can justify all kinds of actions to themselves. They can withhold information or useful suggestions and tell themselves it was only because they weren't asked. They can monopolize equipment and tell themselves that they really need it on a moment to moment basis. Many, many seemingly innocuous things can pervade the work environment when a negative hue is cast in a person's mind. By all means, talk about the issues and share your opinions. But not at work where you should be like little drones with blinders on to help you focus on your current task. A productive society is the key to increased freedom.

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For the past few days I've been commenting on Patrick's blog. I kind of lost control of myself a bit. I wanted to maintain the silence I've recommended for so many others but I found that I just couldn't. This means that I am weak. Or at least weaker than I'd like to be which equates to the same thing. What's even worse than that is that I might not stop commenting. This, by definition, makes me a hypocrite. I would like to formally apologize now.

It all started when I noticed that someone had linked to my blog from Patrick's blog. I wondered why there would be a link to me from there and I couldn't resist the urge to see what he was saying now. It all started fairly innocently. Just a short comment left on Sunday. But then I went back on Monday to see what he had said about it and that was when I left the longer comment (referred to by Patrick as a "tirade"). One step further. He dedicated his next entire post to countering my comment, to which I commented with a counter to his post. I haven't gone back to see what happens next. But I'm sure this won't stop here.

I feel a strong urge to retaliate, especially to him. It's not easy to hold back after all the things he's said (and then consequently removed) about me, my friends and my family. Especially my family. A long time ago, people used to pick on my sister and I was too young to do anything about it. But I remember it well and it bothered me immensely. I will not let anyone treat her that way again. Anyways, this retaliation urge is not unique among human males but I hesitate to use biology as an excuse here. In fact, there is no excuse for my behaviour. In summary, my advice should never be taken seriously.

I post this here because I feel that the truth is important. More important than lying about or hiding the things I probably shouldn't have done. If truth is a concept I expect from others then let them expect it from me as well. If anyone is ever curious about anything or wants to get my side of something that they've heard then by all means, ask. I may not be a happy human all the time. Or even a content human all the time. But I'd like to at least be a truthful human all the time.

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I've been having strangely animated and extremely tense dreams for the past four or five nights. They seem to be laced with danger to myself and/or others I care about. Three nights ago I was bit on the ankle by a poisonous snake while carrying my nephew through a forest. Part of me wanted to stop and treat my wound but instead I carried on because I knew there were other snakes around and his safety was more important than mine. It was a feeling of pride in owning up to this higher responsibility coupled with a sense of loss knowing that the poison would eventually do permanent if not fatal damage. It felt like I was using willpower to fight a survival instinct. I haven't had a restful sleep since.

I turned 29 yesterday. I'm issuing a few statements here so that I don't have to answer everyone individually.
1) I don't feel any older than I did last week.
2) I didn't have a big celebration because I feel that I'm at an age where it's no longer a reason to rejoice. When I'm an old man I'll celebrate that I've made it that far.
3) I don't currently have any long or short term plans to get married. I know many people think I should be settling down already but I plan to live to be 125 so there's still plenty of time yet. Stop asking. Really.

I attended a wedding yesterday for some old friends of mine. It was a nice ceremony and I had a good time. I was invited to go to the clubs afterward but I just wasn't in the mood to sit in a noisy room for 3 more hours. I had some things to mull so I went home and mulled them. I'll be starting a new blog sometime in the next few weeks. It will be an infrequently updated piece that will more closely resemble a website than a blog. Each post will be long and drawn out and will have little or nothing to do with me personally. I'll link to it once it's up.

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