Just Words

One of the greatest things about Frank Herbert's books are the short statements made at the beginning of each chapter. Since no one who reads this blog is likely to ever read Destination: Void I'd like to give you this little gem:

What matters most is the search itself. This is more important than the searchers. Consciousness must dream, it must have a dreaming ground-and, dreaming, must invoke ever-new dreams.

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Is it wrong to have dark thoughts? I don't think so. It's just wrong to act on those thoughts. I think many people have little or no self-control. There is only one step from their thoughts to their actions. There is no consideration given to consequences until it's too late. Maybe that's why we have such a problem with people taking responsibility for themselves and their actions.

It would be easier if people simply thought things through before they did them. Instead, they react. And then when they see what they've done they recognize their mistake and try to cover it up. They tell themselves that they're not bad people. They say to themselves that they wouldn't really do something like this if given another chance because they have thought it through by now. They tell themselves that all they have to do is keep everyone from finding out about their transgression and it'd be just like wiping the slate clean. And then they can start again by continuing on with the rest of their lives without doing whatever it was they had done wrong.

But the fallacy is that you can't erase your past. You can't hide from what you've done. You will always know about it and the paranoia and guilt will eat at you. Not to mention the thought that will always be in the back of the mind of a person who does something like this. If they ever do find themselves in that kind of situation again, the same solution should work, right? This, of course, leads to serial behaviour. This kind of thing is most often found with infidelity and drug use but I think it's also the path that serial murderers and rapists take in their heads. The keys are a lack of self-control and the thought that they are basically good people who simply do bad things.

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Every once in a while I get the opportunity to update the software on my PC at work. I only get to do it once in a while because my user account on our network has no permissions. This means that I cannot install software, perform Windows Update procedures or burn CD's. Not sure why it won't let me burn CD's but it won't. So yesterday I went to Windows Update and I installed all the critical updates for XP besides SP2. One of the updates had this message:

"Security Update for Windows XP (KB833987)
Download size: 1.4 MB, less than 1 minute
A security issue has been identified that could allow an attacker to compromise a computer running Windows and gain complete control over it. You can help protect your computer by installing this update from Microsoft. After you install this item, you may have to restart your computer."

Maybe Microsoft really, really wants me to install this upgrade and that's why they give such an extreme warning. Complete control over my computer? Wow. That's some hacker. Once again, I can only wonder why there is such an extreme security hole in the first place. No further explanation is given other than the statement that if we don't do what M$ tells us we will be subject to trespass, vandalism, violation, and ridicule from anonymous hackers out there in the cyber-realm.

How is this any different than what these conspiracy theorists are talking about with the possibility that it wasn't really a Boeing 757 that hit the Pentagon?

Props to Thomson for the link.

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Things have been slow in my head lately. Last week the chain fell off my pedal bike and I couldn't get it fixed. I was away for the weekend helping my dad so I couldn't fix it then. Left work at 4 PM yesterday. Walked 23 minutes to Canadian Tire to pick up a new chain. This older woman with a new bike who was behind me in the cashier lineup saw my bike chain and started a conversation with me about bikes. I was noncommittal but not rude. Walked 23 minutes back to work to fix my bike. Opened the plastic that the chain was wrapped in to discover that the chain was defective and wouldn't work. Started walking back to Canadian Tire.

I was thirsty so I stopped at the large chain grocery store to grab a pop. There were no pop machines around. All the lineups were super-long, especially the express line. As I looked around I noticed that, apparently, all the hot women go food shopping at exactly 5 PM. If there are any hot women out there who could explain this strange phenomenon it would be appreciated.

Went back to Canadian Tire and looked for another chain. None on the rack. Back to the Customer Service desk. The lady gets on the phone and hass some faceless employee on the other end check what I've just told her about there being no bike chains in the size I need. She gets them to 'check the back' which seems to take even less time(?). The computer says there should be 8 but there are, in fact, none. I want to say, "Are you telling me that there have been 8 bike chains this size stolen since you last took inventory?" But instead I just take my money and leave.

I have to walk past where I work to get home now because my house and Can Tire are in opposite directions from my work. Frustration builds. In the 2.5 hours it took me to do all this walking I composed about 3 blog entries that were way better than this but I didn't have the energy to do anything when I got home. Now I've forgotten them. Whaddayagonnado?

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I can't do this anymore. The pain inside me. The rage. I feel better when I'm physically hungry. I can't explain why. I found out why she avoids me tonight. I was always sure that there was something she didn't want to tell me. And I thought that it was okay to wait. But now I know that I was wrong. It can't wait. I have to act as soon as possible.

Enemies? I've got them already. More? Line 'em up. Stack 'em up. Put them all in a row and watch them stretch to the horizon. It doesn't matter. I could take on the whole world right now. I think I just might.

Maybe tonight would be a good time to call up all my old girlfriends and ask them if they think about me while they're having sex with their current guys. Maybe I could catch one in the act. Now wouldn't that be a treat. What's gotten into me, you ask? That's a very funny question. Nothing's gotten into me. Something's coming out. It's all a matter of direction. Where are we going? Where are you coming from? Looking backwards. Looking forwards.

You never know when the next hand is going to leave you busted out. You never know when someone is going to do the last thing you'd expect. Angry? Fuck no. I'm enraged. I'm a rabid, slobbering dog. Somebody put me down before I do something irreparable. I've heard that people depend on me. But they're always the people who don't really need any help. People who already have other people to stick up for them anyways. But what about the people that everybody else has given up on? Everybody gave up on me once. So I can identify with those people.

It's one thing to not harm someone. But what about the people who don't stop harm from being done. Neglect. How can you watch a friend go down? How can you sit and wait for the end so that you can tell people that you tried but there was nothing that you could do. You could get help. You could try to convince other people to help you help your friend.

A long time ago I told myself something that sounds cheesy but has always stuck. It's better to lose with a friend than to win alone. What kind of friend would I be if I sat here in my lofty perch and watched the vultures circle below?

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I've heard that some people have had problems with the comments. Something about a "Haloscan Not Available" message. I haven't noticed any problem so if anyone does get a Not Available message please email me. In case you didn't catch it at the top of the page or couldn't guess my address is spencerwatson@gmail.com

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The demanding memory that comes upon you of itself.

I woke up this morning with the most vivid recollection flooding my head. It was about the first real fistfight I was ever in.

I was always an angry child. By the 4th grade I had earned the nickname 'Spazz' in honour (disgrace?) of my temper. Kids used to pick on me because I had a stutter. And the only way I knew how to retaliate was with actions because my words didn't work. It didn't take me long to realize that the other kids ignored my rage unless I did something with it. So I attacked. At first it would start with simple pushing but that didn't impress anybody and it really didn't match the explosiveness I felt inside. So then I would launch myself at the closest person who was bothering me and knock them to the ground. Eventually only the big kids would pick on me because I couldn't hurt them. And kids my age would just get ready to run when they knew it was going to happen. Still, it tended to happen less.

I still feel ashamed of myself and sorry for the kids that didn't know I would get so angry and retaliatory about stuff. One time during a soccer game before school (I was in the 7th grade) a 6th grader came up with a new strategy for keeping me from the ball while his teammates ran off with it to score. I was very fast and difficult to catch even when I had the ball so he simply stayed close to me until I got near the ball and then held onto my shirt (with me dragging him the whole way) until the play was over. I warned him not to do it again. And when he did do it again I turned around and kneed him right in the nuts. There was a general meeting with everyone who played soccer after that one.

But for the most part before puberty fights weren't anything special. I was angry but I didn't care much about it until I really started hurting people. That's when I started making a conscious effort to control myself. In high school it was different. I was one of the small fish again. Small fish in a small school. And puberty was happening faster than I could notice. I used to think that puberty was mostly about changing sexually but there's a whole outlook change that happens too. I started feeling more like a human who could affect the world. Pride was now a necessary part of every decision I made whereas it had only been a passing fancy previously.

It started about halfway through grade 8. There was this guy, Denny Coates (I don't feel like keeping him anonymous because fuck him), who had dropped out of 8th grade the year before and was now retaking it. He attended some kind of boxing class twice a week and he would brag about the tough things he had to do as part of the training. He was looking for a reputation as a tough guy. And the easiest way to do that was to pick someone out of the crowd and dominate him. For Denny Coates, that someone was me.

He started with verbal abuse. Especially trying to say clever things to demean me that would make the girls laugh. He knew what would hurt me. One day in PE he started pushing me around. Standing behind me in lineups and digging his thumbs into my back. In the locker room there were some guys talking about it. I mentioned that I wasn't afraid of Denny.

There was this 16 year old kid named Matt in our class and someone asked me if I would be afraid of him. I said that I wasn't afraid of anybody. As I was leaving the locker room Matt grabbed me by the throat and pushed me up against the wall and asked me if I was afraid of him now. This move would have been very impressive if I wasn't only 13. At that moment I realized that the whole thing wasn't about me being lippy (like they claimed) but rather about dominance. Matt tipped his hand when he had to use force to keep his dominance. So I hid my initially surprised look behind my best poker face, concentrated on keeping my voice very still, looked him right in the eye and said, "I'm not afraid of you." He must have known that to go any further would only make it worse for him. He had nothing to prove by beating me up and I had everything to prove by taking it. He stalked off in an irritated huff.

A few days later Denny started into me again but worse. Giving me rib and kidney punches when he stood behind me in lineups. Telling the teacher was unthinkable. I was a man. I could take whatever he dealt without complaint. The seed of hatred started to grow. I thought about letting go and lashing out at him but then I remembered the awful pain and guilt I felt whenever I hurt people in the past. I went home one night and made a decision. I was going to call him out.

The next day I started telling people about what I was going to do, knowing that it would get back to Denny. At break we went out behind the school. Someone told me that he had a small metal bar in his pocket that would make his fist incredibly hard when he hit me. But before we could really get past the pushing phase (always a good fight starter in 8th grade) the bell rang and a teacher came out to see what was going on. During that half minute when things started happening it was obvious to everyone that I was nervous and not aggressive. I was way out of my league. Everyone thought it was over and that I had seen the error of my ways.

The next day at lunch (I'm not sure why it wasn't the same day) I looked for Denny. I was going to stand up for myself no matter the consequences. The details of the fight are sad and inconsequential. I got beat severely without hardly touching him. I was given two separate chances to admit defeat and walk away but I refused them both. I remember looking over at one point to see the people who were supposed to be my friends watching from a distance. I caught the significance right away. They didn't want to be associated with me or this incident. They had never tried to stick up for me when Denny had been giving me a hard time in class. And they were only my friends when they could gain something from it. I made a vow to myself to never be that kind of friend.

The whole thing ended when a teacher finally caught us. I was suspended for three days and had to call my mom for a ride home. School was different for me after that. Both friends and enemies left me alone. I guess that's why I forced the issue. So I could be left alone. I think back on my school life in Chase and I wonder how I could have considered that a good thing. How I could have sunk to the point where simply being left alone by everybody was a good thing.

A few weeks later I overheard Denny telling some people in class that he actually respected me for doing what I did. That it took a lot of balls to step up the way I did and refusing to back down even when I was losing badly. If I had been able to fight as well as him I definitely would have wanted to win on the day it happened but afterwards I realized that winning that fight wouldn't have gained me anything. My non-friends would still only be there when it suited them and Matt would have been under pressure to show his dominance which would only have led to more fights.

I saw Denny at a friend's house about 4 years ago. He was alone in the driveway trying to unload a 4-wheeler so I gave him a hand. He looked visibly shocked and nervous when he saw me there and knew that I was friends with his business associate. I talked to him and he mentioned that he couldn't fight ever again because he took a nasty blow to the head and it could kill him. It's funny because I never even brought it up. He must have thought that I was going to try something.

I've been in fights since then. It's almost inevitable when you're a teenage guy. But none have affected me the way that first one did. I'm still a little amazed at how one little moment can change so many things. And that was the memory file that forced itself onto me shortly after I woke up this morning.

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I've been having disturbing dreams lately. Typically, something is taken from me socially and I either have to take vengeance or prove some kind of leadership. There's always a reaction aspect to it. Maybe I should restrict my sleeping hours to 5 for a while until this passes.

It has long been a goal of mine to someday become the bane of some block association or strata council that is far too anal for its own good. I think this started when I saw that one episode of the X-Files where Mulder and Scully go to that creepy neighbourhood with the strict rules that don't allow lawn ornaments and people get eaten when they break any of the rules. Well, now I have a new goal for the day when I win the lottery.

I heard a story last night about how Paris Hilton gets followed by paparazzi everywhere she goes. Must be a tough job to follow around a beautiful woman and take pictures of her all day. But in the name of decency this kind of thing has got to stop. So, when I win the lottery I'm going to become a paparazzi to paparazzi. I'm going to pick one and follow him wherever he goes and take pictures incessantly. There's going to be a new person featured every week with all the dirt and juicy stories. And the best part is that the middle of the newspaper will be a few free sheets of toilet paper so you can easily read it while you're on the john. And I'm not talking about cheap one-ply crap either. I'm talking about Purex 2-ply pillowy soft because the people who buy my crap rag deserve to get treated with respect.

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Left today. Pretty much everything was packed already so we got out around 8 AM. Six people. Four male, two female. Seven days. One 50-litre keg and four dozen bottles of beer. Twelve bottles of red wine. One and a half 26-oz bottles of tequila and one 26-oz bottle of vodka. You decide whether or not we're hardcore.

I've realized something this week. I'm going through a mid-youth crisis. I'm 28 years old. I have no significant other (no surprise but it's part of the inventory). I'm heavily in debt. And I only have a six-pack when I flex a certain way. I'm getting old. I need to start grabbing life by the horns. Ten years ago I was telling people to hurry up and visit Europe before I show up with an army to conquer it. Now I'm trying to strategically win the lottery. This has got to stop. This life is mine and I want it back.

I left complacent and I've come back hungry. Don't say you weren't warned.

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Finally rented a powerboat today. The weather was cloudy but we had fun tubing anyways. Several minor injuries and 4 hours later we packed it in. Finished the Werewolf game in the evening. Probably one of the best games I've ever played. Climactic finale. Betrayal. Battle to the death with a packmate. Resolutions and explanations. The end. I fell asleep 15 minutes into the Bourne Identity stretched out on the floor flat on my back with my neck crooked up at an unnatural angle by a pillow. I was so tired that I stayed in that exact position until 4 AM.


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We spent a great deal of time after dinner reminiscing about old times. People some of us still talk to because they're cool. People we don't talk to anymore because they're dipshits. Fun times from high school and shortly after when we all lived in the same town. Old girlfriends. Married life (for Jeff and Jeff). Single life (for me and Craig). Eventually Jeff and Jeff went to bed and Craig and I were finaly able to get around to talking about the argument we had when I left Victoria 3 years ago. I think it took us all week because we were having such a good time that we didn't want to disturb anything. But we both know that when these things only get worse if left unsaid. If only I could get the other people I have problems with to sit down and talk.

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Here I sit in the hot tub. Since I'm here by myself I decide to only open one half of the cover. I watch the steam billow out over the edge of the hot tub cover. All that heat energy trying to escape. The temperature of the tub has been low for the past few days and was only fixed this morning. The temperature is 40 C (104 F). I can feel a tingle in my forearms from the heat.

In my everyday existence, I eat an extraordinary amount of food and hardly ever gain any weight. The scientific/robotic part of me long ago found an explanation for this phenomenon. My metabolism is very high and I give off a lot of energy. I'm very restless and don't like to sit still for very long. And if I am forced to not move for any length time I always heat up. People are always commenting on how my face is flushed. Occasionally when I pull coins out of my pocket they are almost disturbingly too warm. I prefer environments that are slightly on the colder side. I jokingly tell people that I melt in the heat.

As I sit in the hot tub that is currently warmer than usual, I think about the fact that I'm not moving and that I'm surrounded by water slightly warmer than my body. Where is the energy I produce going to go? Could that be causing the tingle in my forearms? How long can I sit here absorbing heat from the water around me without my body needing to give any back?

Suddenly I feel aggressive. More than mere restlessness. An actual urge to move forward with whatever is at hand. The need to expel energy. Like a physical need expressing itself as an emotional drive. Isn't this the essence of Freud?

I think I understand how things can become so fucked up in life. Most people (including myself) never notice the moment when the physical state of the body affects the emotional. We confuse so many feelings with physical needs. Surely this is the origin of the extreme dysfunctions like rape and murder. The way a person can get to the point where they will commit horrendous acts on another human to satisfy otherwise simple or harmless urges.

The illusion that violence is in human nature. The sins that were taught to us by misunderstanding ancestors. We are made to feel ashamed for things that acceptance could alleviate. And they tend to cause more harm than good. You can convince the human brain that it doesn't need something but you cannot convince the body. A physical need that is ignored will resurface in some other form. The body has strange and convoluted ways of getting what it wants.

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It's been cloudy all day. The weather report says that there should be some sunshine tomorrow so we're counting on that as our opportunity to go boating. Myself, I'm leaning toward kayaking instead of a powerboat. As a consolation, I took the 8 foot aluminum rowboat out for a while today. One oar was set slightly higher than the other so the boat kept wanting to veer to one side. This slowed me down as I couldn't really put my back into the oars.

I rowed for about 10 minutes until I couldn't tell the people on the dock apart. When I turned around to go back I was surprised to see that I was almost halfway across the width of the lake. There's something about the metaphorical quality of a person in a rowboat in the middle of a calm lake. It's as close to lifeless isolation as I feel comfortable. Moments like this should happen to me every day.

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Waiting to go to into town for lunch. Canada plays Finland today for the World Cup of Hockey. The game starts at 4 PM. This is the determining factor behind our collective decision to postpone our boat excursion. I feel like I'm not pulling my own weight on the domestic side of this vacation. I haven't participated in any of the shopping trips or meal preparations. I've chopped wood for the fire and I clean up every morning while everyone else is waking up but I think this still isn't enough. Going to try harder from now on.

Update

Canada beat Finland 3-2 to win the World Cup of Hockey. I celebrated.

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Slept outside on the patio last night. It was beautiful. I slept like some kind of wild animal. Every time there was a noise that was much louder than the sound of the water lapping against the shore it caused me to open an eye in that furtive glance that dogs give when you catch them sleeping. And then once I realized that it was nothing I still had no problem getting back to sleep. I thought I'd get a restless sleep but it was excellent.

Started our Werewolf game today. I like role-playing once in a while because it revives my childhood love of acting and entertaining. I can slip into a different character and let go of my self-image. Not always an easy thing to do. In our game we're hunting vampires. The embarassment of having been controlled by a vampire at one time coupled by the rage that a werewolf is generally expected to exhibit is the perfect emotional simulation for me right now.

Felt deflated for most of today. I didn't even get around to swimming today. The hot tub temperature dropped significantly so even that lost its restorative edge. Hoping that tomorrow will be more productive.

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I just finished playing a marathon 8-hour game of Samurai Swords. Normally a game only lasts about 4-5 hours but the balance of power refused to tilt enirely one way in the first half of the game. I take the outcome of wargames like Samurai Swords very seriously and therefore generally refuse to give an inch or admit defeat until I absolutely have to. I feel drained. Totally beat from the mental and emotional exertion. A whole day playing Samurai Swords when I could have been doing so many other things. I'm now going to do what I've wanted to do since I woke up this morning. Go for a swim.

The lake is beautiful. I haven't gone swimming enough this year. Total cliche. Not appreciating what is right next to me. I live 5 minutes from the beach in Kelowna and I haven't gone swimming yet this year. And now I'm on vacation and I'm finally enjoying a fresh-water swim. The physical exertion feels good. It takes the strain off the wound-up sense I have from the game.

I come back in from the lake and hit the hot tub. At first it feels really hot but my muscles start easing in no time. Everything is so quiet. I turn the jets on for a while and play with the settings. Every time I'm in a hot tub there's always someone who hogs the controls and I'm not anal enough to bother fighting for them so I never get to see how they work. But that gets boring after just a few minutes.

I turn all the jets off for peace and quiet. There are these little bugs here that resemble fruit flies but they're green and they nip at my arms. I watch them circle the outside of the tub. They like it because it warm and moist but they can't handle being directly over the tub. This is safe haven.

I stretch out and try to occupy as much of the tub as possible. Leaning back and allowing myself to float just a little. Relaxing every muscle in my body. I fill my lungs with as much air as they will hold and feel myself bob to the surface before slowly letting it out and falling gently back into the tub. This action incites a child-like fascination with me and I repeat it several times.

I look at my body. I can see that my swimming trunks are coming a little loose from the warm water. I re-tighten the knot. With the angle I'm looking through the water my forearms look thin and emaciated. The illusion it creates bothers me slightly. I've always tried to be strong, both physically and emotionally. The thought that a simple refractory illusion could dispel my self-image is off-putting. I test my shorts to make sure they'll hold up. I notice the skin just below my belt-line is much lighter then my stomach. This only enhances the illusion of the pale and sickly person I'd hate to be but probably am despite my best efforts.

I get out of the hot tub and cover it. It only occurs to me now that this quietude I sit in now is a microcosm of my life. Opportunites mispent. Entertaining myself with frivolous, child-like joys. Primming myself to look proper for no one in particular. And the whole time I'm alone and I don't even realize it until it's all over.

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Arrived today. Watched the Canada-Czech Republic game while dinner was cooking. Overtime is too intense. Canada won 4-3 so now we're waiting for the final on Tuesday. Ate far too much at dinner because they cooked a shitload of salmon that needed to be eaten. Went swimming several times off the dock. The water feels great. After dinner we went in the hot tub. We wanted to watch Fahrenheit 9/11 but the DVD player wouldn't play the ripped VCD. The deck on this cabin faces the east so when I sleep out there the rising sun will wake me up. This vacation is going to be great.
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I've been feeling primal lately. Lost in some strange feedback that has pushed my instincts to the front of my consciousness. I've also had problems articulating how I feel. The words in my head fail to describe what is in my heart. So instead, I post about things that are going on in the world. One particular line from a Tool song comes to mind. Eulogy:

"Ranting and pointing his finger at everything but his heart..."

Strange how one line from a song written about something completely different can be applied to a person in everyday life. I leave this morning for a week's vacation in a cabin in the woods on a lake. I'll be out of cell range and there will be no internet service out so no one can to get ahold of me. Unless you hold up a sign in the stands at one of the World Cup of Hockey games because that's the only time I plan to watch TV.

Thomson has a link to a site that has pictures of where we'll be staying if anyone's interested. I realize that I could have just robbed the link and put it here but then I'd just be accomodating lazy people who don't like my friend Thomson. And what would that make me? Some kind of lazy-person-accomodating, assisting-in-the-dislike-of-Thomson bastard? And nobody wants that.

A week away from work and all my internet trappings is just what I need. Of course my laptop will be with me and I will be writing stuff. But don't expect a week's worth of posts when I get back. I'll probably be spending more time running shirtless through the woods than anything else. Try to play nice while I'm gone.

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If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman
If I'm alive and well will you be there a-holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might
Kryptonite

This is the chorus of one of my favourite songs of all time. Three Doors Down - Kryptonite. My nephew Jager is a sweet boy. He likes to sing but he has trouble remembering much more than one line to any song. Some time ago he cleverly picked up the first line of the chorus to Stacy's Mom by Fountains of Wayne:

Stacy's Mom has got it going on

This is perhaps the coolest and funniest thing I've ever seen Jager do but it's a little strange when he sings that one line over and over again. And whenever he wants to sing it's always the same thing because it's the only song he knows. So this weekend I tried to teach him Kryptonite.

Me: If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman. Now you try it.

Jager: I'll go cra-zee if you still call me Superman.

Me: Uhhh... That's not quite...

Jager: I'm going cra-zee cuz you just called me Superman.

Me: That's actually not quite right. Let me sing it again for you...

Jager: I wanna sing it!

Yeah. So that was my Sunday afternoon. Life keeps pushing and pulling me in circles. Kristy is telling me a story about a man with no pubic hair right now. I hadn't anticipated this when I moved in with a nursing student. Oh well. Whaddayagonnado?

Oh yeah. And I guess Shannon isn't moving in anymore. Now I have to move all my stuff back into the extra room that I vacated. And move my bookshelves again. And unpack all my electronic crap. Not that I'm bitter. Just annoyed. And tired. Good night.

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I think debates are important for everyday people. Especially when there are people with drastically different viewpoints to be represented. Freedom of speech allows us to say whatever we want and to speak out about things that are important to us. A healthy democracy encourages debate on all topics. Nothing should be left out. I fully admit that same-sex marriage may not happen in most parts of the US because some people (maybe the majority, I'm not sure) don't want it. But I would hate to think that the opinion of the majority was formed from ignorance rather than from the facts. I would rather have started a feud with a lively debate than have something important like this get decided the wrong way because the opposite point was not articulated. So if anyone has anything to say about any of this stuff that hasn't been said already, now is definitely a good time to add it. By no means is this issue over. I just want my space and time back to talk about other things.

Disclaimer: All statements made in this post and the rest of this blog are strictly my opinion and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of anyone else. I may make declarations or strong assertions but these are simply reflections of how strongly I feel about the issue and they don't necessarily have anything to do with the way other people feel. And I'm sure that the same could be said for everyone who has left comments here.

It is useful to note that Arklahomboy and Mike were really the only two people making comments expressing a view against same-sex marriage and that the exact views of other people who might also oppose same-sex marriage might not be addressed here. For the sake of simplicity, I will be referring to myself and Arklahomboy as the two sides in this debate. Please correct me if I am wrong about anything in this post.

Arklahomboy believes that homosexuality is a sin, as described numerous times in the bible, and as such should not be practiced. I believe it is not a sin but a lifestyle and people should be free to practice it. I cannot debunk the bible any more than Arklahomboy can debunk science. Therefore, we will have to agree to disagree on this point.

Arklahomboy believes that allowing gays to marry requires a fundamental change to the definition of marriage itself and that this would detract from the meaning of marriage which is currently defined for heterosexuals. Specifically, he believes that marriage is only for two people of the opposite gender. I believe that allowing gays to marry adds to the definition of marriage and provides a new way for two people to express their devotion to each other. Specifically, I believe that marriage should be defined as a pledge, vow, or promise between two people declaring their intent to be bonded in matrimony. Again, agreeing to disagree here.

Arklahomboy believes that the will of the majority in a democracy should be considered when enacting laws. It's not clear to me whether or not he believes that the will of the majority should be considered in every circumstance but he certainly believes it on this issue. He also believes that same-sex marriage should not be allowed because, as he claims, the majority of the population in the US does not want it. I admit that the majority of the US might not want same-sex marriage but I believe that it does not matter. I believe that the rights and freedoms of minorites should be granted by the Constitution of the US as well as the Charter of Rights and Freedoms in Canada despite the fact that the majority of the population would rather not have it. I think this point is still in dispute if only for the fact that it was not central to the debate. I intend to issue a full discourse on the topic of freedom when I get back from my much needed vacation.

Arklahomboy believes something about homogeneity that I was never really able to get him to articulate. He seems to believe that he would feel more comfortable in a society where everyone feels the way he does about life, culture and religion and therefore seems to support the idea of homogeneity. Further to this point, he has expressed an unwillingness to accept a modification of his culture based on the fact that it has never been needed before. I believe that homogeneity stifles progress and leads to stagnation. As well, I believe that diversity is at the heart of our society and is one of the defining principles of evolution and the survival of the fittest. Change is not only necessary but inevitable and those who refuse to change will be left behind. This belief places me squarely in oppostion to some of the central tenets of Christianity so I'm going agree to disagree here.

I encourage everyone to make up their own minds on this issue and any of the subtopics listed above. Expressing an opinion is not as important as merely having one. As I've said before, this issue is not over or resolved. As long as there are homosexuals who want to get married and people who oppose it will be with us. Neither side looks like it's giving an inch.

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These three articles are meant to be read from the top down. I wrote them all one after the other and each one leads to the next. I would like to formally apologize for my extreme overuse of Wikipedia as a source of information but it is has articles on almost everything and is (mostly) objective. And you just can't beat the fact that the articles have unique URL's so you can link to them easily.

Take your time commenting on these posts because I probably won't have time to post again until Monday. I should have time to reply to some comments, though.

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The story of Sodom and Gomorrah is one of the very oldest. As the story goes, the towns of Sodom and Gomorrah were wiped out because the people there were irredeemable mortal sinners. Most believe that the irredeemable mortal sin committed there was homosexuality. But wikipedia, again, has some other thoughts.

Lot refused to give the angels staying in his house to the men of Sodom and instead offered them his two daughters. The men refused to accept this compromise, and Lot was only saved from assault by the angels. Lot and his family were then instructed to leave the city, and Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed with fire and brimstone by God.

Based on this incident it is often postulated that the sin was homosexuality and rape. However, it should be noted that the events that form the basis of this claim only occur in the narrative after God has already passed sentence on the cities -- God could not have been condemning Sodom for its treatment of Lot's guests themselves.

In contrast, the biblical book of Ezekiel holds that the crimes were economic, and not sexual.

As I live, says the Lord God, your sister Sodom and her daughters have not done as you and your daughters have done. This was the guilt of your sister Sodom; She and her daughters had pride, excess of food and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy. They were haughty and did abominable things before me; therefore I removed them when I saw it. Ezekiel 16:46-50

And further...

For whatever reason, the classical Jewish views on Sodom are unknown, and Christian Bible readers focus primarily on homosexuality. Thus the story of Sodom has given several languages, including English, the word "sodomy", meaning acts (stigmatized as "unnatural vice") such as anal sex, and also the word "sodomite", meaning one who practises such acts. [1] (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?r=67&q=sodomy)

The account of Sodom is part of the basis for many Christian denominations' condemnation of homosexuality.

For an interesting read on actual quotes from the bible that are used by Christians to justify the condemnation of gays as sinners go to Wikipedia's article on Christian Views On Homosexuality. From a different article, Religion And Homosexuality, I found this interesting tidbit:

John Boswell, in Christianity, Social Tolerance and Homosexuality (1980) first extensively studied the history of these attitudes toward homosexuality in the Christian West. The documents he adduced challenged the widely current official view of the Catholic Church's past relationship to its gay members, among whom were priests, bishops and even canonized saints. Boswell's research ranges from the Greeks to Thomas Aquinas in legal, literary, theological, artistic, and scientific sources. According to Chauncey et al (1989), the result "offered a revolutionary interpretation of the Western tradition, arguing that the Roman Catholic Church had not condemned gay people throughout its history, but rather, at least until the twelfth century, had alternately envinced no special concern about homosexuality or actually celebrated love between men."

I had never heard of John Boswell until I started looking deeper into this issue and I have no idea how true his book is. It is interesting that a book was written on the topic and it appears to have some kind of evidence to back it up.

While this is a very interesting look at the history of Christian homosexuality, I don't think it's really the getting to the heart of the matter. So I'll move on.

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In ancient times, when civilization was just getting started, the political leader of any nation or people was also the religious leader. Prime example: Moses. In these situations, logically, any law set forth by that leader was, by default, also a sin. The separation of church and state was unheard of. But as societies got larger and more fruitful it became necessary to have political leaders who oversaw the people in all practical matters and religious leaders who guided the people spiritually. The areas of society that each controlled was often in dispute but they worshipped the same god(s) and therefore, generally, agreed on the same set of laws and rules. In most cases, the religious leaders would dictate what was right and what was wrong and the politicians would organize the enforcement and appropriate punishment.

In Western civilization this pattern changed when the Church lost power over the leaders of nations. Individual, autonomous countries wanted to dictate their own laws to suit their own cultures and peoples. As well, and related to the eroding power of the Church, other Christian denominations broke away from the Church of Rome and had their own interpretations of what was right and what was wrong (although, for the most part, the lists of sins are very similar). Suddenly the difference between laws and sins became a prominent part of the culture.

When Europeans came to North America they were no longer on home turf. Any borders that they drew up and thereafter fought over were not the homesteads that people had owned for generations. There wasn't an ancient and nationalistic history that the people felt they had to follow. Also consider the fact that many different nationalities and denominations of Christianity were all moving and settling here very quickly. Clearly, to stop all the potential war and bloodshed before it started there had to be some kind of law stating the acceptance of all religious affiliations.

The separation of church and state may or may not be stated in the American Constitution, but it is implicit in the fact that a)any citizen from any religion can legally become the President and b)the laws of the USA allow things that are clearly sins in the Christian faith (e.g. Commandment #7: thou shalt not commit adultery).

In the hearts of the men who signed the Declaration of Independence, "Freedom Of Religion" may very well have meant "Freedom of Christian Religious Denominations". But then again, what were they going to tell the Chinese who were pouring off the boats in California to help build the railroad? Were they all going to have to convert to Christianity? Freedom of Religion states that any person has the right to choose their own religious beliefs and has the freedom to exercise them as long as the practice of those beliefs does not infringe on anyone else's rights or freedoms (e.g. no human sacrifices). This means that people who practice Christianity do not have the right to stop same-sex couples from marrying just because they (the Christians) consider it a sin.

Every law has a reason for existing. We want people to live full, safe and happy lives so we disallow murder and rape and kidnapping. We want people to work for a living and pull their own weight, maybe even prosper. So we disallow theft and extortion because no one is going to bother to work very hard if the result of their effort is likely to be taken from them. If there is going to be a law based solely on a religious sin then the sin, also, should have a reason. There is no reason for homosexuality to be a sin. A sexual act between two consenting adults cannot and should not be regulated. And the formal bond that goes hand-in-hand with that sexual act should also not be forbidden in the eyes of the law.

Again, while this is all very interesting, I don't think I'm really getting to the root of this thing here.

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I don't think this really has to do with gay marriage at all. I think that the heart of this issue lies in Christianity itself. For some reason, some Christians believe that what the beliefs and values they hold to be true are also true for everyone else in the world. My apologies to any Christians who don't feel this way.

Many years ago some prominent scientists observed that the Earth revolved around the sun, not vice versa as had always been believed. The Catholic Church called this view of the Earth and the universe heresy. If the Earth was not the center of God's universe then it was possible for God to have had other, perhaps more important, things in mind when He created everything. So the Church made this idea illegal and they placed Galileo Galilei under house arrest as an example of their seriousness.

But scientific discovery did not stop. Instead, it found a new home away from Rome (pun intended) and continued to separate myth from fact. Instead of trying to see the universe as it is, the Church tried to change the shape of the universe to fit its doctrine. Was this wrong? History has already answered. And this certainly wasn't the only time that Christianity clashed with scientific discovery (see: Darwin).

But what about gay marriage? Where does it fit into this convoluted scheme? Christians cannot shape the world to fit their beliefs. Times change and people become more informed about the truth behind the folklore that has been passed on from previous generations. Those who refuse to change with the times and refuse to hear information when its freely given will be left behind.

The point here is that all knowledge about everything cannot be obtained from the Bible. Nor can we afford to assume at any moment that we know everything. We must always acknowledge that the universe is bigger than us and that there will always be more to learn, observe and discover. To close your mind to new thoughts and ideas is blasphemous to free will. And free will is the greatest gift we could ever have received from God.

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One of the things I like most about Wikipedia is the surprising things I can find there when I bother to look. Here's the article on marriage. In particular, here are a few excerpts from the article.

Marriage has been described as a "socially sanctioned union", implying that any sort of selfless relationship can be called marriage if a given society approves of it. Some others regard this description as part of a campaign of redefining the very concept of marriage. Typically, these are advocates who maintain that marriage can and must be a relationship of one man and one woman. Other advocates maintain that the aspect of social sanction has always been the major determining factor, and that redefinition is accordingly perfectly legitimate (as well as long overdue).

In the West, the prevailing view toward marriage today is that it is based on emotional attachment between the partners and entered into voluntarily.

And here's the article on same-sex marriage. And here's a particularly surprising bit from there.

In ancient Rome, for example, the Emperor Nero is reported to have married, at different times, two other men in wedding ceremonies. Other Roman Emperors are reported to have done the same thing. The increasing influence of Christianity, which promoted marriage for procreative purposes, is linked with the increasing intolerance of homosexuality in Rome.

Now, I think, we can really dig into this thing. Apparently, it's not really about homophobia. It's about Christianity.

This is enough for now. More to follow.

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The First Definition - the first three definitions are dry and boring. I'm only including them in an attempt to be thorough.

mar·riage
n.

1.
--1. The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife.
--2. The state of being married; wedlock.
--3. A common-law marriage.
--4. A union between two persons having the customary but usually not the legal force of marriage: a same-sex marriage.
2. A wedding.
3. A close union: “the most successful marriage of beauty and blood in mainstream comics” (Lloyd Rose).
4. Games. The combination of the king and queen of the same suit, as in pinochle.

The Second Definition

Main Entry: mar·riage
Pronunciation: 'mar-ij
Function: noun
1 : the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a legal, consensual, and contractual relationship recognized and sanctioned by and dissolvable only by law —see also DIVORCE
2 : the ceremony containing certain legal formalities by which a marriage relationship is created

And The Third Definition (I love the way dictionary.com provides multiple definitions that don't seem to completely jive with each other.)

marriage

n 1: the state of being a married couple voluntarily joined for life (or until divorce); "a long and happy marriage"; "God bless this union" [syn: matrimony, union, spousal relationship, wedlock] 2: two people who are married to each other; "his second marriage was happier than the first"; "a married couple without love" [syn: married couple, man and wife] 3: the act of marrying; the nuptial ceremony; "their marriage was conducted in the chapel" [syn: wedding, marriage ceremony] 4: a close and intimate union; "the marriage of music and dance"; "a marriage of ideas"

And that's all well and fine, but I think this next bit is the most interesting.

marriage

was instituted in Paradise when man was in innocence (Gen. 2:18-24). Here we have its original charter, which was confirmed by our Lord, as the basis on which all regulations are to be framed (Matt. 19:4, 5). It is evident that monogamy was the original law of marriage (Matt. 19:5; 1 Cor. 6:16). This law was violated in after times, when corrupt usages began to be introduced (Gen. 4:19; 6:2). We meet with the prevalence of polygamy and concubinage in the patriarchal age (Gen. 16:1-4; 22:21-24; 28:8, 9; 29:23-30, etc.). Polygamy was acknowledged in the Mosaic law and made the basis of legislation, and continued to be practised all down through the period of Jewish history to the Captivity, after which there is no instance of it on record. It seems to have been the practice from the beginning for fathers to select wives for their sons (Gen. 24:3; 38:6). Sometimes also proposals were initiated by the father of the maiden (Ex. 2:21). The brothers of the maiden were also sometimes consulted (Gen. 24:51; 34:11), but her own consent was not required. The young man was bound to give a price to the father of the maiden (31:15; 34:12; Ex. 22:16, 17; 1 Sam. 18:23, 25; Ruth 4:10; Hos. 3:2) On these patriarchal customs the Mosaic law made no change. In the pre-Mosaic times, when the proposals were accepted and the marriage price given, the bridegroom could come at once and take away his bride to his own house (Gen. 24:63-67). But in general the marriage was celebrated by a feast in the house of the bride's parents, to which all friends were invited (29:22, 27); and on the day of the marriage the bride, concealed under a thick veil, was conducted to her future husband's home. Our Lord corrected many false notions then existing on the subject of marriage (Matt. 22:23-30), and placed it as a divine institution on the highest grounds. The apostles state clearly and enforce the nuptial duties of husband and wife (Eph. 5:22-33; Col. 3:18, 19; 1 Pet. 3:1-7). Marriage is said to be "honourable" (Heb. 13:4), and the prohibition of it is noted as one of the marks of degenerate times (1 Tim. 4:3). The marriage relation is used to represent the union between God and his people (Isa. 54:5; Jer. 3:1-14; Hos. 2:9, 20). In the New Testament the same figure is employed in representing the love of Christ to his saints (Eph. 5:25-27). The Church of the redeemed is the "Bride, the Lamb's wife" (Rev. 19:7-9).

Source: Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary

Please let me know if this in any way describes the Christian definition of marriage. I never finished reading the entire bible when I was young so I can't quote scripture. But when I find gems like these I can't help but snag them.

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